A FRIENDSHIP BLESSING by John O’ Donohue
May you be blessed with good friends.
May you learn to be a good friend to yourself.
May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where
there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness.
May this change you.
May it transfigure that which is negative, distant, or cold in you.
May you be brought in to the real passion, kinship, and affinity of belonging.
May you treasure your friends.
May you be good to them and may you be there for them;
may they bring you all the blessing, challenges, truth,
and light that you need for your journey.
May you never be isolated.
May you always be in the gentle nest of belonging with your anam ċara.
From Anam Cara: A Book Of Celtic Wisdom by John O’Donohue
I was drawn to this two words from the work of John O’ Donohue - Anam Cara (pronounced “ah-nuhm kah-ruh). The earliest reference to an Anam Cara was by Saint Bridget of Kildare, Ireland (c. 451–525): "Is colainn gan cheann duine gan Anam Cara”which means, “A person without a soul friend is like a body without a head."
In the Celtic tradition, anam is the Gaelic word for soul and ċara is the word for friend. Anam cara is the ”friend of your soul” that you bare the deepest yearnings in your life. It is a friendship where you feel understood and accepted as you are without the need to camouflage or to be someone else. An anam cara is an act of recognition and belonging. The Celts believed your anam cara is your teacher and/or spiritual advisor.
“The heart learns a new art of feeling. Such friendship is neither cerebral nor abstract. In Celtic tradition, the anam cara was not merely a metaphor or ideal. It was a soul-bond that existed as a recognized and admired social construct. It altered the meaning of identity and perception. When your affection is kindled, the world of your intellect takes on a new tenderness and compassion… You look and see and understand differently. Initially, this can be disruptive and awkward, but it gradually refines your sensibility and transforms your way of being in the world. Most fundamentalism, greed, violence, and oppression can be traced back to the separation of idea and affection.
The anam cara perspective is sublime because it permits us to enter this unity of ancient belonging.” - John O’ Donohue
What sets a true anam cara apart from any other friendship, is intentional presence. In the Celtic spiritual tradition, it was believed that the soul radiated around the body like an aura. When we connect with someone and be completely open with them, both souls would begin to flow together. As this deep bond is formed; the person becomes your anam cara.
A person who would see your inner beauty.
A person who you could be the “real you” and be accepted.
A person who could see your light.
In our journey of self discovery, our anam cara is our guide that offers not only much need perspective and guidance, but also companionship. It speaks of our interconnectedness of being- how I am a part of you and you are a part of me. The part that helps me see the beauty in me. The anam cara provides us with the care and intentionality of seeing ourselves fully.
However, to receive the true benefits of anam cara, we need to see our inner beauty and light for ourselves first.
For others to discover our true nature, we need to uncover this for ourselves as well.
“The one you love, your anam cara, your soul friend, is the truest mirror to reflect your soul.”
John O’Donohue
In this lifetime, I am blessed to have people I consider as my anam cara. People that I get to share my life with. People who I can open up and know I will be received, witnessed, held, given space for, and cared for with love. People who I know have me and my family close to their hearts as I do with them. To be blessed with soul friendships is such a gift and an honor.
And to be an anam cara is a gift and an honor. Being an anam cara requires presence, integrity, guidance, acceptance, willingness to listen without judgment, grace, vulnerability, and love.
To be the person where another’s soul can find belonging, a sanctuary.
To be an anam cara is to find refugia - one’s space of refuge.
This is what I wish for my life to be.
That people I engage with can see themselves fully in my presence.
That I am able to mirror to them the beauty of their souls.
That I may offer spaces of refuge- so that they may sink their weary heads and offload their heavy hearts.
That I may provide the healing balm that soothes their souls.
That I may be that friend that guides them to listen to their yearnings.
That I may be that friend that supports them in reconnecting to their essence- to the Life force seeking expression in our beings.
And this starts with me being able to honour all of these within myself.
How about you, who are your anam caras? How are you as an anam cara?
Life is precious, and in the busyness of life, we oftentimes take for granted who is around us. I do hope this post inspires you to reach out to your anam caras and show your appreciation for their presence in your life. - Lana
Thank you my anam cara. I very much appreciate the friendship for years. Love you xx.