BASKING IN KINDNESS
For the past few weeks I have been a recipient of loving kindness. People near and far connecting with me from a place of care, showing support, asking how I am coping, and being graceful and flexible when I have to move appointments to make way for hospital visits. I’ve also had people make adjustments in their practices to accommodate my growing need for space, for clarity, and for connection.
The previous me, 10 years ago, would have found these attention difficult to receive. I would have seen this as “something to repay people for and preferably as soon as possible and with more weight!”
I would have approached all these kindness from a place of “why? I don’t deserve all these!”.
Thinking about it now, I feel sad. I am gutted by how those parts of me felt insecure, unworthy, and unsettled for all these loving attention.
I feel so much compassion to the parts of me that needed reassurance that my being and my presence is not an imposition. That I am not a burden.
I hear these words now and I am connecting to needs around validation, being witnessed for who I am, and belonging. Much like everyone else, I so much wanted to be seen and accepted.
As a child who held so much inside, I learned how to camouflage early. I learned to do what was expected and have very limited experiences where I expressed what I was going through. I knew how to mask and I knew how to function well. I was after all the high achiever. Gifting, serving, and contributing to others were my jam. I knew so well how to extend myself and help others. This also meant I knew so well how to overextend- to not draw boundaries and hold them. I wasn’t good in sharing displeasure nor did I have the coherence in sharing my pleasures!
I lived in times of disconnection and as sad as it is to admit, my biggest disconnection was with myself. Naturally, receiving and basking in goodness from others were practices foreign to me.
I knew how to say “thank you” yet knew how it also made me shrink, rather than feel expansive.
It also made me feel compelled to “move on to the next” so as not to draw the attention to me.
Yet attention is so much a big part of care. What we give attention to, grows. What we give attention to, we act on, we advocate for, we tend to.
“A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.” – Amelia Earhart
And this is where it boiled down to. Basking in the kindness of others meant me opening up to be cared for by others. It meant being in a relationship with parts of me that deserve such generosity even when previous programming in life makes me ask “but why?”
Now, instead of that question, I dial in more to parts of me that say “but why not?” Why can’t others show you support? Show you love? Show you care?
I now have a better relationship with receiving. Allowing and letting them settle in not just in my head but more so in the fibers of my body. To really let the goodness sink in and bathe me.
Nowadays, I am finding excitement and wonder in spaces where I am shown kindness as these experiences encourage me to practice opening my ears, expanding my chest, and letting my body bask in kindness and let it flow and overflow in me far longer than when the words or actions were expressed.
PRACTICE: The next time that you experience kindness, notice:
how are you receiving it in your body? What are you feeling? What sensations are coming up for you?
your thoughts, what are you thinking? What sentiments, lines, memories are coming up for you?
your heart, what are you longing for? What do you need?
USING SATIR’S PERSONAL ICEBERG MODEL has supported me in peeling the layers underneath my behaviors. Do check out how to use this tool here.
