DEEP REST EMERGES FROM DEEP COLLECTIVE CARE (Part 1)
In some parts of my life I have been struggling for the past few weeks. Struggling with keeping negative thoughts at bay while waiting for my surgery date to be finalized.
I likened having breast cancer as like a ticking time bomb in my head. When my mom had it when she was in her 40s I had the thoughts “will I have it too” looming over my head. Taking care of her and navigating the last years of her life with metastatic breast cancer made the ticking sound lesser, because I had to prioritize her care and especially the financial part of it.
When she passed away at the age of 49, the ticking sound became a humming noise in the background.
Always there.
Always looming.
Yet throughout the years, I finally got to dial it down. I finally figured out how to use the “dim switch!”
And life went on, until I had my own experience with breast cancer at the age of 37. Then the looming thoughts came back with full force.
Yet I had to set that aside and take the energy and time to care for myself. To go through the ordeal of radiation, chemotherapy, immunotherapy and years of hormone therapy, I had to refocus my energy on me. I went through a lot of treatments, and throughout these years, learned and unlearned so many things.
Part of my healing journey was to acknowledge that the thoughts will always surface. That these are thoughts formed when I was dealing with my mom’s illness. That these are stress responses when I had my own breast cancer scare. I took the time, energy, and attention needed to understand myself better, to care for myself better, to reconnect with own yearnings, and to find the essence of who I am. It took years for me to feel reconnected to my own truths, to hear my voice with confidence, and to deeply celebrate my resilience and hope.
Then this happened.
Another breast cancer scare.
And the ticking became louder again.
This time with a vengeance.
Yet, what has changed from the first time 9 years ago to now are a lot. I have so much support, I have the love of my family and friends, I know a lot of my tendencies and patterns. I have tools that I can use to regulate myself.
So the past 6 weeks of waiting, was spent coping with the waiting.
I will finally go for my surgery on Tuesday and as much relief it has brought, it also surfaced a lot of tension between me and my husband. Our coping mechanisms colliding and creating havoc to my already spent up state.
I don’t know how many times I have said “I am tired” since last year. Not only because of the diagnosis, but even before. There has been a perpetual tiredness that I have been feeling.
I connect it with wanting to contribute, wanting to make my life matter for people I love and causes I want to support.
It’s in part because of all the mental load that I carry in our household.
It’s in part the emotional load of being the one who teaches regulation and co-regulation in our family and with others.
It’s in part being a big advocate for neurodiversity and the work that we do to shift a more neuroinclusive world.
It’s in part being a healer in a very traumatized world.
It’s in part being a highly sensitive person feeling and sensing so many of what is going on in the world even for those beyond this generation. My level of ancestral grief is so deep that I cannot even begin to put into words how that feels in my body. Not to mention having access to all the news, all the marginalization, hurts, genocides, injustices that are done not only to our fellow humans but more so with our planet, with our more than human companions in this world. The devastation is so deep, I have no way to describe it all. Yet I feel them.
And like the case with breast cancer, I lived life with my “dimmer” on all of these. I learned how to give space to what is emerging, and to follow what my life energy is leading me to. I learned to lean in for support when needed. I learned how to replenish myself with certain tasks and activities.
Just recently, I learned that the dimmer I talk and write about is indeed a process in our bodies - Allostasis.
As what Alexandra Crosswell (et al) wrote in Deep Rest: An Integrative Model of How Contemplative Practices Combat Stress and Enhance the Body’s Restorative Capacity
“This process of shifting between physiological states is called allostasis, in which predictive regulation of bodily functions works to meet present and future demands in the most efficient and rewarding way (McEwen & Stellar, 1993; Schulkin & Sterling, 2019; Sterling, 2004).”
Sterling and Eyer in their paper written in 1988 entitled Allostasis: A New Paradigm to Explain Arousal Pathology proposed the concept of allostasis to better explain the process of physiological changes in the individual level that are shaped by large-scale epidemiological tendencies. Allostasis is all about achieving stability through change and this entails allocating much needed resources to one’s needs.
And like what Crosswell wrote:
“Stress States Are Energetically Costly… In sum, an incredible amount of cellular energy is spent navigating states of moderate threat arousal, energy that could otherwise be used for other health-promoting biological processes such as cellular restoration…”
This is the model that Crosswell proposed in terms of how we allocate energy resources based on a hierarchy of biological needs.
“At the bottom of the hierarchy are basic needs for surviving in the present moment, such as repairing acute damage (e.g., proteins) and maintaining physical integrity (e.g., membrane potential), as well as responding to acute threats. Once those needs are met, then the organism can devote energy toward the next level of need—preparing for coming environmental demands; this process is also termed predictive regulation or allostasis (Bobba-Alves, Juster, & Picard, 2022). If this level does not consume all energy resources, then energy can finally be used toward optimizing. In other words, once cellular and physiological systems are working well, and there are no threats to take care of or plan for, then energy is directed toward cellular restoration. Each level of the hierarchy is associated with a different allostatic state. (Croswell, et al)”
And this allostatic load (expending energy on stress-related pathways of surviving and preparing) is what we as a society are carrying.
In the article Sterling and Eyer wrote:
“When the level of arousal has been high for a long period due to high demand, entry into a relaxed condition may create an unpleasant state of withdrawal from one’s own catabolic hormone. This could provide basis for an individual’s continuing to seek conditions of high demand (workaholism and Type A behaviors)”.
Accessing deep rest is difficult when one’s body has been so tuned in to predictive regulation. This unconscious process of perceiving environmental demands expected in the imminent future is what is keeping us safe. Yet this is also making us hyper vigilant and hyper alert that leaning into deep rest can be a challenge to practice.
As a highly sensitive person, I am deeply curious about the allostatic load and how its challenging to access deep rest due to the high energy expenditure in navigating the day to day life.
As a healing-engagement practitioner, I am curious how we can lessen the allostatic load to allow for salutogenesis.
I am deeply keen on how we can resource and outsource ourselves so that we can shift our nervous system’s baseline on what constitutes allostatic response.
“If training in contemplative practices can ultimately shift one’s autonomic nervous system set point so that the “baseline” or usual allostatic state is one of lower arousal, then it may be easier for that person to shift to, and spend time in, deep rest.” - Crosswell et al
There is this deep tiredness seeping in my bones.
The restorative state that Alexandra Crosswell and colleagues were writing about seems elusive.
I knew that the ongoing practice that I have to learn is to “relax my nervous system” and I can notice for myself when I do. I notice the difference on when I show up with my regulated state.
I know how to access tools needed for a given moment and to share these tools with others.
I also know when I am feeling replenished enough, how creativity flows easily or how I am bustling with energy to work on the household, be with the kids, and go on contributing to others.
All of these experiences are like ordinary magic- stirring transformation, fullness, and growth in the everyday.
Yet, deep rest eludes me.
In 2021, I wrote a short blog on “Relaxing as A Collective Responsibility”
In it I wrote:
“From my perspective, relaxing as a collective responsibility is a very deep practice emerging from a space of privilege. For this to work we need the space, support and systems that would allow for us to incorporate these practices in our daily lives. It involves the acknowledgment that each person carries systemic practices around productivity, work and success that needs unpacking. It means having the opportunities to work on how our need to be overly engaged are fed by the systems around us and what it would take for us to change the relationships around these systems.
For us to be able to hold space for each other in this collective responsibility of rest, we need to give space to the historical healing of our personal and collective traumas that propel us to selflessly do more, give more, produce more. In this deep, exploratory and soul-searching manner, can we truly begin to slowly relax the system and with it, encourage restoration in others as well. “
So how do we do this?
I am really drawn to what Nova Reid author of “The Good Ally” said in the 12.5 days of Liberation through Healing 2023 Year End Campaign of Rev. angel:
"For so long I thought that there was so much work I needed to do on my own, I had become so individualized with it... I exhausted myself.. thinking I needed to come up with and do everything on my own. We need to practice asking for help and support, (and) how we show up for one another...so that we are not outsourcing our wellbeing and humanity for trying to take on this beast of healing race.”
— Nova Reid
Deep Rest Comes from Collective Care
How we can access deep rest comes not from single, independent actions. Rather I see it as “flocking”- using the power of community to restore one’s self and each other.
Healing is a liberatory practice and there can be no true healing if it is only accessed by a privileged few. We each need to do our part to be the “settled body that settle bodies.”
In order to practice deep rest, I find it important for us to look at it from a care and equity lens:
Who needs deep rest?
What do we (as a collective) mean by deep rest anyway?
How can we see, hear and feel this in practice?
What examples of practices do we know of or have experienced that we can be inspired of?
What are the systemic layers(internalized, interpersonal, institutional, and structural) that contributed to the status quo?
What structures (policies, practices, processes, power) perpetuate the current status quo and inequitable practices?
Who holds the most power when it comes to collective deep rest?
Who is farthest from power?
Who is nearest (deeply impacted) to the problem?
Whose stories are centered in this situation/problem?
Whose voices/narratives are missing?
Who serves as bridge builders in representing people with less power?
Who benefits from the existence of this problem/situation?
Who is burdened by it?
How do we redistribute power?
How do we ensure inclusion of equity-deserving/ historically excluded voices?
In what ways are we contributing to these structures and systems being in place?
What is within our agency to shift, to stir, to advocate on?
This is an initial exploration for me as I don’t have the answers on how we can exactly do this.
I have an inkling it involves a lot of collective sense making, a lot of caring, intentional emotional regulation and co-regulation, and perhaps, a bit more belly rubs? :)
Stay tuned for the next part, for now giving our little doggy her attention is where I want to use my energy 🥰
Hiraya Manawari,
Lana