FINDING THE GIFTS OF THE DIFFERENT "PARTS"
“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”
― Virginia Satir
This quote from Virginia Satir resonates with me so deeply.
After spending a nourishing weekend with the family and taking in the energising effects of the mountain, I came back feeling relieved, and somewhat content. Yet there are parts of me that are not as grounded. Parts that are saying “I am hanging in there.”
With this week’s chemotherapy looming over my head, I can’t help but hear the part of me saying “hanging in there” more prominently.
What would the next few months entail?
4 rounds of chemotherapy, 6 months of immunotherapy and a double mastectomy (my wish) rather than radiation… all of these are in my list for this year.
So a part of me is “hanging in there” while there are parts that feel nourished with the connecting weekend, feel rested, satisfied, curious, and creative (check out my recent work for Neurodiversity Education Academy on Interoceptive Awareness ).
But what about the parts that I don’t hear as much? or perhaps parts that I switch out or deliberately turn the volume down?
What do these parts have to say?
“To see and hear what is here, instead of what should be, was, or will be. To say what I feel and think instead of what I should. To feel what I feel instead of what I ought. To ask for what I want instead of always waiting for permission. To take risks on my behalf, instead of choosing to be safe and not rock the boat.”
― Virginia Satir
Virginia Satir created an exercise that she called a “parts party.” It is a way to manifest externally through the use of role-playing (ideally inviting a minimum of 12 people to do the role-playing), what was happening internally with the dynamics between and among the parts that comprise the self. Her "parts party" concept refers to the different roles or aspects of a person's personality coming together and being acknowledged in order to promote self-awareness and personal growth. This concept is often used in inner-child work and parts therapy to help individuals integrate and heal past experiences. Satir believed that each part of ourselves, whether it be our thoughts, feelings, or behaviors, serves a unique purpose and contributes to our overall well-being. She stressed the importance of acknowledging and integrating these different parts rather than suppressing or ignoring them. By understanding and accepting all aspects of ourselves, we can achieve inner harmony and self-compassion.
Satir’s approach is to look at different parts within ourselves as “resources”. The parts party asks participants to look inside and reflect on all of their parts that may be developed, undeveloped, known and unknown. She encouraged participants to look at the parts as resource and reflect without judgment - whether or not they considered the parts good or bad. The focus is on the relationships and integration between parts. It helps to honour all parts and recognise internal strengths and resources.
Last International Women’s Day, I co-facilitated an online women’s gathering with the theme “Inclusion from Within”. I was joined by
and Anamaria Guguian in this 2-hour event were we explored how to include the different parts inside of us, especially the parts that sometimes feel misunderstood.To start the Parts Party, I invite you to block the next 30 minutes of your time. Make sure that you won't be distracted or disturbed so you can fully sink into the experience and reflect on what is coming up for you.
In a longer version of a Parts Party there are multiple parts.
Step 1: Preparation of the host
Step 2: Description of the parts behaviour
Step 3: Development of a conflict/s between different parts
Step 4: Transformation of the parts to resolve the conflict
Step 5: Ritual to integrate the transformation process
This exercise is an abridged version. Journal in a piece of paper or you can download the hand-outs and other activities in integrating and embracing the parts in this personal development course.
WELCOMING THE DIFFERENT PARTS
Imagine that you are hosting a dinner for 6 people. You have prepared the table and are now welcoming your guests. The first two guests are parts of you that you thoroughly enjoy.
Give each of them a name.
Write a description about each part.
What are their qualities or characteristics?
Are there specific gestures, mannerisms, or sayings that this part would act or say?
What symbol or image do you associate with these parts?
Take a few minutes to observe what is coming up for you.
What are you feeling?
What are your thoughts about these two guests?
The next two guests came in. These are the parts of you that are useful or practical. Similar to the first two guests, give each of them a name.
Write a description about each part.
What are their qualities or characteristics?
Are there specific gestures, mannerisms, or sayings that this part would act or say?
What symbol or image do you associate with these parts?
Take a few minutes to observe what is coming up for you.
What are you feeling?
What are your thoughts about these two guests?
Last two guests arrive as well. These are the parts of you that you do not like or are uncomfortable with.
Give each of them a name.
Write a description about each part.
What are their qualities or characteristics?
Are there specific gestures, mannerisms, or sayings that this part would act or say?
What symbol or image do you associate with these parts?
Take a few minutes to observe what is coming up for you.
What are you feeling?
What are your thoughts about these two guests?
Now look at the different parts on the table (in your hand-out), what is coming up for you now? How are you feeling? What are your thoughts in this first part of the exercise?
LISTENING TO EACH PART
The following integration exercise was adapted from the Parts Party resource from NLP Institutes.
Looking at all the different parts that you have welcomed on this dinner, say to them:
“Please tell me who here feels the most misunderstood?” Notice which one responds. And now ask the one who feels most misunderstood, “What is it that you are yearning for?” Use the yearnings list attached below if needed. Listen to the answer. You can write down your reflections in the handout below.
Say to the remaining five parts, “Who among you feels the most misunderstood?” And ask the one who responds, “ “What is it that you are yearning for?” Listen to the answer.
Say to the remaining four parts, “Who among you feels the most misunderstood?” And ask the one who responds, “What is it that you are yearning for?” Listen to the answer.
Say to the remaining three parts, “Who among you feels the most misunderstood?” And ask the one who responds, “What is it that you are yearning for?” Listen to the answer.
Say to the remaining two parts, “I’ve welcomed the other parts to this table; I’d like to welcome you, as well. Please tell me, one at a time, what is it that you are yearning for." Listen to their answers.
P.S. I do hope this exercise can support you in examining and giving space to all your parts. There are integration activities that Anamaria (integrating the parts through embodied dance) and Yvonne (guided visualisation on “We are held”) have facilitated during the International Women’s Day celebration on “Inclusion from Within”. Do subscribe to the course if you are called to explore further how you can create more inclusion within yourself.
Hiraya manawari,
Lana