STRENGTHENING THE RELATIONAL FIELDS
Part 1: THE RELATIONAL FIELDS OF THE FRACTALS THAT ARE INSIDE OF US
I often write about the “field” and the importance of caring for the spaces between us. This morning I woke up with an intense nudge to explore this more and to put to words what I meant about it.
Anne-Laure Le Cunff wrote brilliantly about the importance of attentional field when it comes to Intentional Curiosity: Get your Brain to Focus on What Matters
“To understand intentional curiosity, we first need to understand the concept of the attentional field. Your attentional field is the combination of everything inside you—thoughts, emotions, physical sensations—and everything outside you, including what you see and hear. It encompasses all the information competing for your brain’s limited attentional resources.
When you’re working on something and receive a notification, two parts of the brain are involved in managing your attention within this field. The prefrontal cortex, directly behind the forehead, is activated when you start concentrating. The parietal cortex, behind the ear, is activated by distracting events.
Research shows these two regions process information differently. The prefrontal cortex emits slower frequency pulses of electricity, which are associated with focused attention and goal-directed behavior. In contrast, the parietal cortex emits faster frequency pulses, enabling quick responses to unexpected stimuli and automatic processing of information.”
What I refer about in the field and how crucial it is to support, nourish, restore and regenerate is about the RELATIONAL FIELDS. In this series, I want to expand on the different relational fields that we encounter in our day to day lives. Starting with the deepest and most sacred work: exploring the relational fields inside of us.
THE RELATIONAL FIELDS INSIDE OF US ARE BETWEEN THE FRACTALS OF OUR SELVES
I love what adrienne maree brown has posited about fractals in her book “Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds”
“A fractal is a never-ending pattern. Fractals are infinitely complex patterns that are self-similar across different scales. They are created by repeating a simple process over and over in an ongoing feedback loop.”
Why is it important for us to understand fractals?
It is because WE are fractals.
Like dandelions, our “self” consists of different parts and there are relational fields inside of us that interplay with these different parts.
In psychology, we often refer to our selves as comprising of many parts, or many archetypes. We also have the parts where we process things differently between our mind, our body, and our soul. We also have the relational fields between our organs and how they sense, connect, perceive, interweave, and communicate to support our homeostatic, and allostatic load. Homeostasis is a self-regulating process by which we can maintain internal stability (equilibrium) while adjusting to changing external conditions whereas Allostasis is all about achieving stability through change and this entails allocating much needed resources to one’s needs.
Our self consists of dimensions in time, genealogy and history.
“You are not alone in this room — and you are not alone across time.” - Bryan Doerries
Inside of us are also historical and intergenerational fields. We carry in us values, perspectives, expectations (especially around roles) that are passed on from generations to generations -from our families, to the cultures and identities that we are part of. These also includes our epigenetic make-up that carry both trauma and thriving that our ancestors have endured in their lives.
Inside of us are also our dreams, desires, purposes, passions, and our collective world views. All of these help us in building what Krista Tippett, a renowned author and broadcaster, has touched upon the concept of "true sight”. In her work, particularly in the context of understanding, empathy, and the deeper aspects of human experience, she emphasizes on the importance of seeing beyond the superficial to grasp the essence of people and situations.
In her conversations and writings, Tippett frequently delves into the notion that true sight involves more than just physical vision; it encompasses the ability to perceive the interconnectedness of all things and to recognize the inherent worth and dignity in every person.
Tippett's work, including her books such as "Becoming Wise: An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art of Living" and "Speaking of Faith," suggests that achieving true sight requires a journey inward as much as outward. It involves questioning our assumptions, listening deeply to others, and being open to the mystery and complexity of life.
Shawn Ginwright wrote in his book, "The Four Pivots: Reimagining Justice, Reimagining Ourselves," expands on this “TRUE SIGHT” that is our real ability to see that involves hindsight, foresight and insight.
Hindisight - is the culmination of lessons from key dilemmas, events, and situations in the past. It supports us in how we respond to future crisis.
Hindsight gives us the capacity to look back and create important lessons that propel us into better decision making, which can be used in the future.
- Shawn Ginwright
Using reflective questions may prompt us to examine own experiences, biases, and capacities for empathy and action. The questions that Shawn Ginwright proposed in his book are:
Knowing what I know now, would I have done anything differently?
What is the major lesson or take away from this situation?
What could I have done better, or where might I have grown?
How will this help me in the future?
Why is this important lesson of our society?
What can this teach me about improving our society and humanity?
Foresight- is our capacity to imagine a possible future. it plays a crucial role in understanding how we can envision and work towards a better future.
“Foresight pushes us to embrace the lessons from the past in order to reimagine, predict, and create what we want in our lives and in society...
Foresight is emergent and creative while also insightful and wise. Foresight is the capacity to take in key lessons from the past and combine them with the passion to create a possible future...
Traumatic and painful experiences from the past are the most enduring experiences and situations to learn from, and they are most likely to bind us to the past. We mull over pain, discomfort, and turmoil until it determines, predicts, and becomes our future. That is why we have to learn from the past without it becoming our future. - Shawn Ginwright
Ginwright argues that foresight is essential for creating profound and lasting social change. It's about more than just predicting what might happen; it's about actively imagining and working towards a future that aligns with values of justice, equity, and community well-being. This involves a shift from reactive approaches to proactive, visionary strategies that address the root causes of social issues, rather than just their symptoms.
Within the context of the four pivots he outlines, foresight is particularly relevant to the pivot of radical imagination. Radical imagination involves thinking beyond the constraints of current realities to envision new possibilities for justice and healing. It's about daring to dream of a world that differs radically from the present, and then taking concrete steps to make that vision a reality. Ginwright encourages us to harness our collective imagination to forge pathways toward a more equitable and compassionate society, using foresight as a tool to guide these transformative efforts.
Ginwright challenges us to use our imagination as a tool for liberation, imagining possibilities for justice and equity that go beyond what we currently see. This pivot is a call to dream boldly and creatively about the future we wish to create. He encourages us to transcend the boundaries of fear that often limit our ability to envision a more just and equitable world.
To strengthen our muscles for foresight here are ways that Dr. Ginwright encourages us to practice foresight:
Ask where my life is going, and what it will take to get me there.
Develop a clear picture of what I really want in life, not what I settle for.
If I have any three things ten years from today, what would they be?
How can my gifts contribute to a more humane and caring society?
Insight according to Dr. Ginwright is the elixir of deep hindsight and powerful foresight.
“Insight comes from developing the habit of sitting with uncertainty, building the inner strength to walk with calmness in the midst of a shitstorm, and leaning into the discomfort of conflict....
When we cultivate insight, we gain the ability to go wide and deep, understand the past and envision the future, work on the inside and the outside, and dance between the individual change and social transformation. Insight gives us the final ”third eye: to see things that are not easily visible, like things that trigger us or knowledge of our vulnerabilities and strengths. Insight gives us the capacity to identify our own patterns ion behaviour and their connection to our collective trauma and potential for social transformation. - Shawn Ginwright
GOING UNDERNEATH THE WATERLINE: STRENGTHENING THE RELATIONAL FIELDS WITHIN US THROUGH AWARENESS, CONGRUENCE, AND TRUTH-TELLING
Within the relational field of our fractal selves are the coping stances, mental models, true sight, and behavioural patterns that we have developed that inform us in either consciously or unconsciously in the ways we imagine, communicate and engage with ourselves and others.
It is important for us to go underneath the waterline as Virginia Satir emphasise on with her “personal iceberg model”. Virginia Satir, a pioneering figure in the field of family therapy, introduced a multidimensional model of change that has been influential in understanding human behavior and interpersonal relationships. The Personal Iceberg Metaphor is a visual tool which can allow us to peel the layer, seek meaning and facilitate change within our human inner experiences - both the behaviours visible in the external world and those that lie below the waterline.
This means having the courage to peel each layer under the water that represents a part of our personal experiences that are unique to each one of us, and if explored, gets us closer to our essence- to who we are in the world. Cultivating this practice of awareness of our selves is crucial in knowing about how our different parts engage with each other.
"Like icebergs, we show only parts of ourselves. Much of us lies below the surface. We also show only parts of what we know."
-Virginia Satir
The relational field inside of us is yearning for congruence. Congruence is a core construct underlying Virginia Satir’s multi-dimensional model of change. Her model, deeply rooted in the belief in the innate potential for growth and healing within each individual, offers a comprehensive framework to understand how congruence plays a vital role in human behavior.
Congruence, in the context of Satir's model, refers to the state of being authentic and true to oneself, where an individual's actions, thoughts, feelings, and words are aligned. This alignment is crucial for healthy functioning and growth. Satir posited that congruence is the cornerstone of effective communication and relationships.
When individuals are congruent, they express their true selves without the masks or roles often adopted in response to external expectations or internal fears. This authenticity fosters trust, understanding, and connection with others, facilitating healthier interactions and relationships.
“Transform yourself to transform the world.”- Grace Lee Boggs
PRACTICING CURIOSITY AND DEEP REFLECTION AS TOOLS FOR TRUTH-TELLING
Cultivating a culture of reflection allows us to go beneath our own understanding of ourselves- to open the deeper fields and explore with curiosity our dreams, fears, motivations, triggers, histories, identities, and the parts of us that we might not be comfortable in looking at or embracing.
By fostering a sense of wonder and curiosity, Tippett proposes that we can learn to see the world and each other with new eyes, appreciating the beauty and richness that lie beneath the surface. Through this lens of true sight, we are invited to engage more fully with the world and to contribute to a more compassionate and understanding society.
This process of looking at the relational fields inside of us touches on one important concept that Shawn Ginwright wrote in his book: Truth-telling.
According to Dr. Ginwright:
Truth is the fact that honesty to ourselves and others is humanising. When we tell ourselves the truth, we become vulnerable, honest, and transparent. Truth-telling requires that we conjure up the courage to convey what is real for us, and when we do that, we are more authentic and powerful... Truth-telling is the practice of testifying to yourself and others about what is real and honest from your perspective off the world...
Truth telling is the practice of consistent and transparent integrity. This is why truth telling lives in both our soul-searching introspection and keen social analysis; both are necessary.
Truth-telling in our movements, our work, and our relationships is interwoven between the person and the public, the self and society. We cannot separate these, and our inner truth-telling (or lack thereof) is inextricability connected to our social truth-telling.
One very compelling question that Dr. Ginwright urges us to ask is ”What is the truth about myself that I am avoiding?”
P.S. Phew! That was one big download! I was working on this since 6am and now it’s 9am so time for me to get on a break. I am really curious how this is landing for you!
How are you perceiving your fractal selves?
In what ways do you need support in exploring what is underneath the waterline?
How are you integrating and aligning with your true sight?
What does congruence mean for you in your context in the here and now?
And lastly, who supports you in this deep work?
This exploration is not an easy one and yet much needed in our relationship with ourselves and with others. Digging past the different layers can bring up pain and traumas, I do hope you thread with compassion and support from people around you. Do also remember that alongside pain and traumas are strengths, agency and resilience, all the resources that are also within you!
As social agents, leaders, activists, we need each other, and if you are called to be supported in this deep work by me, drop me a message and let’s explore possibilities.
Hiraya manawari,
Lana